The Ultimate High

Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to six nights of sleepless competition! The name of the game is The Ultimate High--the goal, to see which of our 6 challengers can get the highest.--the method: smoke, the material, Tweak, and the winner, the one left standing six days from today and having verifiably consumed by our physicians, the most material! How it works is that each challenger was provided yesterday with $100 cash (to score their shit) , two glass pipes, two bic lighters, one bottle of water, and two half-sticks of chewing gum. For the next 6 days no one will be allowed to personally re-up or score any shit for any other player.



Let's introduce the contenders: T-Weak, (who's game is anything but 'weak'), has already been up for three days and because of that feels he has a jump on this contest. T-weak has a reputation as a free-loader. In fact, he was the original Sponge Bob ("Sponge Bob ain't got shit on me," he boasts, "you better aks somebody!") He is also an acclaimed meth connoisseur, smoking instructor, pipe maker and shameless womanizer. He often informs, "I don't play games--I play bitches." He is usually care-free, at times a loose cannon, and always unstable. But commentators are unanimous in that T-Weak can actually be one of this years toughest "Tweak-petitors." Look for some surprises from this one.



Our next contestant is known around the hood simply as The Thin Reaper--the only competitor here today who has placed in the finals each of the last three years! He's a veteran smoker who's super-natural knack for copping dope at any time, in any neighborhood, makes him a definite force to be reckoned with. His advice to all, "Don't get caught sleepin'!"



Next we have, freshly out of the Emergency Room (at Viejas Casino)--Slim Fast, standing 5'9" and weighing in at a solid 109 llbs. Slim Fast is the defending champ from last year, and the oddsmakers favor Slim Fast to keep the title.



The next Ultimate High challenger is a female, whose friends call her Skimp. Besides being the only broad in this contest, she also brings with her a remarkable resume: 6 consecutive months of borrowing cash from the other contestants. She has more IOU's than minutes on her cell phone. During the interview before the event, she

was adamant about winning tonight--otherwise, without the money for gas--she'd be walking back to the shelter!



Another veteran dope fiend, making his first appearance in this competition, is an African-American smoker named Collide. He's known for smooth talk and large hands. Collide is known for going on runs, crashing hard drives and casually concealing in him palm the very items for which everyone around him may be feverishly searching. He's a threat and he knows it. His reaction to that, (in a voice lower than Barry White's): "I play for keeps"



And finally we have Night Watch--a smoker who advanced to the Ultimate High Finals the last two consecutive years. The most arrogant competitor in this competition, certainly has the stamina to go the distance. He's living proof that you can go through an entire porn collection, consisiting of 500 hours in only 24. He's infamous, a legend in his own mind. To him smoking isn't a crime--it's a way of life. "Sleep," he says, "is for fags! And food is for queers! And all you queers out there, if you can take a dick, you can sure as hell a joke!"

These are the competitors and this is the Prize:
The Winner: A free high from the connect of his choice, a two month supply of Prozak, and the prestigious title of "Tweaker of the Week"
The Runner-up: One month supply of Pedia-Lyte (to rehydrate) and a free psych eval.
The Loser: Fuck 'em